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[Courtney] Working Hard

I was diagnosed with Hypothyroidism over a year ago. Thinking that maybe if dieted and would lose some weight my Hypothyroid would just fix itself! WRONG! After doing some research I discovered that I need to be on medication to control this. I really dislike taking pills and enjoy treating myself with herbal and home remedies. This is not the case.

I went to my PCP today and am going to have some blood work done, check my levels so on and so forth, so I can get back on my thyroid meds and hopefully this will help with the weight loss. I have effectively lost a little bit of weight. Hopefully this is what I need to help kick things in gear.

I have always been on the heavy side. Around the age of 8 is when I started gaining weight and it just went on from there. Hopefully this is the answer for me. This is all about me getting healthy, and feeling better about myself. I want to be around for my daughter. I'm doing it for myself and for her.

Posted by Courtney at 5/21/2012 7:49 PM | Add Comment

[Sue] Journey to Health - Step Five

So, after looking at all my documentation from the previous steps, I have come up with a plan.

I want to become more healthy in my eating and mentally.

Mental Health Plan

As mentioned before in a previous post, I have been dealing with depression. As a result I was becoming a hermit. Years ago I would go out for dinner on my own, go to movies on my own and even go on vacation on my own. Now if I don't have an appointment or plans with family or friends I don't leave my home. I can go a week without stepping out the front door.

So my plan is to make sure I go out at least once a week to do something. I've already put this plan into action. Last weekend I went to a movie. This weekend I took myself out for breakfast. Both days it was beautiful weather so after I grabbed an ice capp (ice cappucino from my favorite coffee place) and went for a little drive. I really enjoyed myself and felt good about myself.

Now to keep it up. I think the summer time is a good time to start this because there's no excuse about the crappy snow storms, etc.

Healthy Eating Plan

I eat pretty healthy as it is but sometimes I find it hard. I'm not much of a cook and after realizing this a few years ago hired a personal chef. This isn't as expensive as you might think. He cooks fresh, delicious meals and fills my freezer every few months. Then I just thaw and heat. When I went out for breakfast this weekend I ate more salt than I am used to. I paid for it the next day by having some heart palpitations. So I'll have to be careful about this.

My nutritionist had mentioned having a glass of water with lemon in it first thing in the morning. I did this for two days and then forgot. So now I'm trying to remember every morning.

But basically my plan is to continue to read labels, stay away from processed foods as much as possible, perhaps cook a few meals for myself and increase my fruits and vegetables (I don't like vegetables much).

What is your plan?

P.S. : In February I mentioned that I had seen a surgeon about having a panniculectomy. Beginning of May I found out that the government had not approved funding. I asked the surgeon to resubmit with some additional information and found out last week that I have been approved. Just waiting for a date now as he has to coorinate with another surgeon who will fix my hernia at the same time. The way it's looking right now it should be around September. Woohoo!!

Posted by Sue at 5/21/2012 6:05 PM | Add Comment

[Sue] Journey to Health - Step Four

Step Four: Know your strengths/weaknesses/triggers

Getting to know your weaknesses (in terms of your healthy goals) and your strengths (which you can use to conquer the weaknesses) are key to success. Also knowing your triggers (ie when do you light up a smoke, or have a drink, or grab a chocolate bar).

Take your time thinking about these and write them down.

Weakness:

My biggest weakness is procrastination. I am the Queen of procrastinating. Even when it comes to laundry or housework or taking out the garbage or even going grocery shopping. A therapist once told me that I procrastinate because I'm a perfectionist, "a tendency to negatively evaluate outcomes and one's own performance". Not sure that I am a perfectionist or that taking out the garbage needs to be perfect.

Srengths:

One of my strengths is organization. I make lists and notes for everything.

So my goal is to make a list of what I need to do each day and make sure I finish the list. I may even set a calendar reminder on my computer (like I do for meetings at work) to remind me to do something at a certain time. Like at 3:00pm to get up and move around for a bit.

Triggers:

Oh boy I seem to have a lot of triggers. I'm going to have to think on this some more. I am definitely an emotional eater and have certain comfort foods. Every emotion seems to make me want to eat whether its a good, bad or mediocre emotion.

The trick is to determine what your triggers are and then come up with a game plan as to what to do instead of your usual unhealthy habit. So obviously I need to dwell on this a bit more so I can come up with my plan of attack (which is Step Five).

Posted by Sue at 5/7/2012 4:58 PM | Add Comment

[Courtney] I think I can!

Life has become so hectic, I should be updating more often. So far, I have lost a few lbs nothing major, but I'm actually proud of myself. I have fallen off the wagon a few times, but I've gotten right back on every time.

With it being international no diet day, I figured I would write a post about it. Yes, I will be going off my diet today (not by much though.) I feel this is a great way to promote self acceptance, and while I'm on my own journey to self acceptance this is also a great help to me.

I should accept myself, and everything about myself and on some days I feel so great about myself, and other days I look in the mirror and think "Wow I really need to do something about this weight." I guess that's something I need to work on. Eventually I want to be able to look in the mirror everyday and think that I am beautiful. I just can't seem to do it. Since I am going off of my diet today, I am going to work to not feel guilty about it and just ACCEPT the decision I have made to do so. I think this will benefit me. I hope everyone enjoys international no diet day as much as I will

In other news, I have come to the realization that so many women (fat and skinny) are so self critical! I have a friend who is probably around 120lbs and she complains about her "fat arms", I said to her, "Honey, your arms are NOT fat! Look at mine!" Then she says to me: "Your arms are not fat." I couldn't help but laugh and I'm not sure whether or not she was being a smart ass or completely serious! I outweigh her easily by 200lbs! It just goes to show that a lot of women have self acceptance issues, and that obese women are not alone!

Will try to post more often, I just started a new job while going to school. I'm a busy Mom! Hope that you all have a great week!

Posted by Courtney at 5/6/2012 12:03 PM | Add Comment

(Stephanie) Choices

Choices, As I sit in my home today I am looking around at my life. I find that much of it I am not happy about. I have made many choices over the years some have blossomed into the most amassing blooms of joy. Other choices have resulted in thorns that bite and cut my heart. There is one more group the the un-choices they bear fruit too and not always what I want. An un-choice is the type of choice we make without thinking about what we are planting and I make these most of all. When I avoid dealing with things in my life I am making a choice, to give up my choice and take what comes. This is not a good things and an "un-choice" almost always bears a negative. My ability to avoid things is an Olympic standard. I can look away and not see what is right there if I do not want to see it. The way this affects me as a SSBBW is my ability to over look unhealthy things, like people who hurt and use me, my health my dreams. I have almost lost the will to dream and hope. Now that spark is there but if I am to dream again I must learn to stop making so many un-choices. I will take the good and bad that I have done but what I will no longer do is live my life in the dark letting it happen to me. There are so many things I love about my life but that said there are aspects I want changed, I must be that change. I must stop making un-choices today.

Posted by Stephanie at 5/2/2012 1:26 PM | Add Comment

(Stephanie) Conflicted

FAT! FAT! FAT! is that such an evil thing to be? Not at all I am however conflicted I want to love and accept my body for this is the path to health. If I am honest however I do not love my body well not all of my body. I want to so much. I see the joy of others who embrace and love their "curves" but that is not what I see. I see rolls not curves. Now I have no wish to be skinny, but I feel uncomfortable this fat. I feel I do not fit anyplace not even my own skin. I have a large lower "apron" this part of my body I do not love. It does not even feel like it is part of my body at all. It is painful and distasteful at all times. You never see people with this of TV or any place really. this part of me I hate. I am not sure how to love this growth that is so uncomfortable and repulsive. I know its not "healthy to admit I do not like the shape my body is now, but it is so. I do not mind my huge arms or expansive thighs, but this hanging bit of flesh I hate. All that said I do love my body see how twisted round on its self it is. I am taking better care of who I am, mentally, physically, spiritually then any time in my life and yet this hate is very real. I use the word hate maybe that is not correct at all its judgment. In that mound of flesh is my weaknesses and pain, my short coming and avoidance. I have lost close to 145 pounds I have lost a person and adult. I have about 2 extra adults still hanging on my body so Its no wonder I am in pain and sleepy. How can I feel so positive and angry with myself at the same time? I know many will judge me for such harsh feelings but understand this is not who I am. I my mind I remember dancing and my heart still dances but my neglect of my body means I no longer dance. but when I close my eyes I can still feel how my body once flew through the air. I once walked mountain paths with no pain or shortness of breath, I want to smell the mountain air and feel the waves of the river splash at my feet, but do not pity I still feel these things in my heart. I may do them again soon. Its not the acts I have lost but the spirit to do them I once had. I have eaten all my pain and allowed it to become a trap I hate, but the only way free is to love all of me. I can not hate my body and bring it forward to movement. Hate slows you down just the way my pain had done all these years. I know I must embrace all of my body as it is, to be able to lay in a field pf wild flowers again. Now do not misunderstand my life is full of joy what it is not is full of love. My judgment and pain has pushed so many from me, as I can not love until I love. I want to love all of me with a deep lasting love that has no goal I must reach. I will love myself if I loose weight is not love. I must love myself fat, to love myself at all. I am fat, and I am learning to stop judging myself and move to loving all of myself. To do this I must admit I do not do it now; and that is OK. Do you see what a web self love is. As we learn and grow we see how its a path with no end and no wrong answers it simply is OK. what got it here and what gets us out, is all good. so when I eat my veggies I am loving myself and when I eat cheese cake with my sons I am also loving myself, for to love is to embrace and except who we are, only in honesty can we be healthy. Its OK, if I lie and tell you all you want to hear, the only one I am lying to is me, trapping myself in the hate and self judgment that stopped my dancing. so I will let my heart dance and I will sing to the trees in my heart until one day I feel the wind at my back as I leap for joy in the full view of the beauty that is my self

Posted by Stephanie at 4/21/2012 9:54 AM | View Comments (7) | Add Comment

[Sue] Journey to Health - Step Three

Step 3: Know Your Numbers

Firstly you really should know what your health is like now. This will help you with goals and tracking progress. So book an appointment with your doctor. Have a physical and get some blood tests (including electrolytes and necessary vitamins and minerals). "Vitamins are essential in maintaining your body’s health. Your body requires that certain vitamins and minerals be present to maintain critical systems including your organs, skin, bone, and muscle. Vitamins also provide assistance in using chemical energy obtained from food to help process carbohydrates, proteins and fats."

Secondly, what should you be consuming each day to maintain your current weight to stay healthy. There are alot of online daily calorie calculators. I tested five and the daily calories were all pretty close (from 2532 to 2810 calories per day). But I found a site that also calculates the amount of fibre, protein, vitamins, etc. (http://nutritiondata.self.com/tools/calories-burned). Now these are estimates and if you want a more detailed approach then you'd need to visit a nutritionist, which of course costs money.

I have an appointment on Monday with my doctor so I can get my physical and blood tests. And I've entered my info the site mentioned above and printed out my requirements.

Another step forward.

Posted by Sue at 4/21/2012 8:34 AM | Add Comment

[SheerEllagance] I Love You, Just Don't Tell Anyone...

"Is It Me, Or Do You And I Never Got OUT Anywhere?...When Are You Going To Introduce Me To Your Friends and Family?"

Being a Woman Of Size (WOS), I've had more than my fair share of cruel comments and verbal abuse from people and in worse cases, the very men who claimed that they loved me. Of course in an effort to make nice, they would say that they said those things "out of anger".

How can you get angry enough to tell someone that you "love" that they are worthless because they're fat? Beats me...

As a result, it has made me a little rough around the edges and very apprehensive to open up and trust people. At the same time, it has made me not so sensitive to peoples' malicious attacks and has forced me to stand up for myself. I have taken on a new sense of self-worth and a confidence that before I felt I was not entitled to have.
This road to "Self Love" has been a very hard one to travel, but it's been more than worth it and I walk it everyday; pot holes, quick sand pits and all. I have learned that I have the right to love myself AS IS. NOT 150, 100, OR EVEN 50 POUNDS FROM NOW and that I deserved to be loved AS IS and not once I'm able to shop in the juniors department...I digress.

This all came to mind when I was contacted by a guy I used to have a romantic interest in...

He was nice, smart, funny, and he said that he was ready to give up the single life and settle down. Things were going along well between us for several months and we then started talking about taking our relationship to the next level: MARRIAGE. At first he just casually discussed it, nothing serious. As time went on, we began talking in terms of "us" getting married one day. My heart skipped a beat and it was not from indigestion. Naturally, being the Fluffy Princess I am, I started looking at gowns. I know he hadn't actually proposed but I wanted to know every Plus Size bridal gown resouce so that I could narrow down my search when it came time to shimmy down the aisle...but there was something that seriously wrong with our "relationship"...

We had been dating for a little over a year and I had yet to meet any of his friends or family & we seldom went out together. Allow me to say here that I used to be a long-distance truck driver (yeah, I'm bad lol) so for a long time I blamed the fact that I hadn't met his people on rarely being at home while working. So, I felt that in order to solidify our relationship so that we could take that step towards "Marital Bliss", I did what any fool blinded by love would do...I quit my driving job.
In my little 20 something year old mind, this made all the sense in the world and would surely catapult us down the aisle...right?

You already know it didn't.

Sure, we went out a few times but he never held my hand or showed any affection towards me in public. Of course all the signs were there but I just didn't believe that he didn't LOVE ME because he never said out loud that my weight was an issue...but it became clear that it was on the night of what would be our last date.
We went to the movies & you guys know I move a little slower when walking cause I'm on the chunky side, but "my man" is literally walking TEN FEET AHEAD OF ME. To the untrained eye, it looked like we weren't a couple. Sadly, it wasn't until that very moment that I realized that we weren't...at least not in public.

When leaving the theatre I was so mad I was moving fast as hell (which in reality is probably about normal pace for a skinny person) to get out of there. Once we were in the car, I flat out asked him "What the hell?! Do you have a problem with the way I look?" He said "No, your dressed fine". I roared "You know what I mean! Do you have a problem with the fact that I'm overweight?" He didn't answer me; we just rode in silence.
When he dropped me back off at home, he still said nothing. I simply got out his car quickly as I could so that I could cry alone (another "skill" I learned over the years of being taunted; I'm able to not cry in front of people regardless of how emotional I may be over the situation. Probably more of set back than a skill, but we'll let a trained professional decide).

I haven't heard from him since...

I refuse to date someone who is ashamed of my body, only goes out with me when it's dark out IF they take me out AT ALL, or always starts any compliment that they intent to pay me with "You look cute but you would look better if you lost weight..." (mind you, this is no compliment, just a backhanded insult)

Excuse you! I look cute with the weight...

Posted by Sheer Ellagance at 4/19/2012 3:19 PM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

[Sue] Journey to Health

Health at Every Size - these are the buzz words around the internet these days. Am I healthy? Do I want to be healthier? Sort of and Yes!

As a large person dieting and eating healthy are not new to me. I'm sure that most of us have been on more than a few diets over the years. We all know what is good to eat and what is bad. What a proper serving size is. How many vegetables/fruits we need each day. Etc. We could probably all get jobs as dieticians. But just because we "know" doesn't mean we always practice it.

I have decided to become healthier and to blog my journey and what I've learnt for you all. You can join me in the journey or just entertain yourselves by reading about mine.

Ok, so I want to be healthier. Where do I start? I've learnt from previous "diets" that restricting myself and jumping into the deep end just doesn't work. So while thinking about this the past few days I have decided what Step One should be.

Step One:

Determining my reason(s) for wanting to become healthier. I asked myself "Why do I want to be healthy". Initially my answer was "to live a longer better life" but that wasn't good enough for me. So I asked, "why do a want to live a longer better life" and I kept drilling down to the real reason.

I want to be able to look after my mother as she gets older. It's pretty sad when my mother can outwalk me at the age of 76 with arthritis and two knee and one hip replacements.

I want to enjoy life and for a long time I had very limited mobility which made travelling difficult. I want to go to Egypt and see the pyramids. I want to go to Australia. I want to go to Greece and Italy. Ok so maybe I won't have the money to do so but if I won the lottery I'd like to be able to enjoy travelling and seeing the sights.

I want my quality of life to be better. Now, I know that alot of this part is due to my weight. I don't go to concerts because I can't walk up the aisles or fit in the seats or even walk all the way from the parking lot and stand in lines. I don't go anywhere where I have to do alot of walking. Hopefully living a healthy lifestyle will help me lose some weight as well and I can start living. Yea I know, I shouldn't be waiting to live until I lose weight and if I weight 200 lbs I might not but right now I know that I'd be miserable if I had to do alot of walking. I'd be in pain and wouldn't enjoy what I was walking around.

So now I know why I want to do this. And I must keep aware of the fact that being healthy and/or losing weight won't fix my head. So I will need to work on that too.

One thing that I MUST do is learn to change my thinking. I have to stop using the words "I cheated today" or "I was bad and ate something I shouldn't have". No more negatives. So what if I had a cookie. One cookie won't kill me. And not having the cookie and then thinking about that cookie until I go nuts and eat a half a bag is worse. If I have a craving, I will give in but in moderation. Instead of saying "I cheated" I'm going to say "I treated myself". This is changing years and years of habit so it won't be easy but positive words and thoughts are much better than negative ones.

Step Two:

Before I can change my eating/exercise habits I need to know what I'm doing now. So I'm going to keep a diary for at least a few days so I can see where things might need changing.

Phew .. this isn't going to be an easy process but one step at a time baby.

Posted by Sue at 4/19/2012 7:14 AM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

[Bren] What do you think?

OK, IMO this is going too far.

http://gma.yahoo.com/k-e-diet-brides-using-feeding-tubes-rapidly-080053646--abc-news-health.html

Posted by Bren at 4/16/2012 9:18 AM | View Comments (1) | Add Comment

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About this blog....

Our vision with this magazine is to let you know that you are not alone. There are other SSBBWs around the world with the same issues, thoughts, worries and joys as you have.

- whether you have accepted your weight and love your body
- whether you are actively working to lose weight
- whether you want to get healthier and have more mobility but don't know where to start
- whether you are single or in a relationship
- whether you have children or not
- whether you work or are unemployed
- whether you are housebound or relatively mobile
- whether you are healthy or have medical issues

You Are Not Alone

Let's band together and share our stories, our triumphs and our pain.

Our Bloggers

Blogger: Sue
Weight: 345 lbs
Location: Ontario, Canada
Single, self employed 48 year old. No children. Relatively mobile.

Blogger: Courtney
Weight: 325lbs
Location: Pennsylvania, USA
21 year old unemployed college student. She is newly married and had her first child end of October.

Blogger: Linda
Weight: 400 lbs
Location: Manitoba, Canada
Single 50 year old on disability, uses walker or power wheelchair.

Blogger: Stephanie
Weight: 439lbs
Location: North Carolina, USA
43 year old single mother of three adult sons. She is an artist who is very mobile.

Blogger: Nikki
Weight: 415 lbs
Location: Texas, USA
40 year old in a relationship. She works and is mobile.

Blogger: Ah Girl Plus Size
Weight: 95kg
Location: Singapore
Single 19 year old who is self employed and mobile.

Blogger: Bren
Weight: 430 lbs
Location: Texas
Single 40 year old with kids who is on disability.

Blogger: Sheer Ellagance
Weight: 350 lbs
Location: Dallas, Texas
Single 28 year old, divorced with no kids. She is mobile.

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